The FrINgeSIDER 08/13/2010 11:04am

I'm a big fan of audience reviews. For audiences, they provide an enhanced interactive experience©. For Fringe artists, they provide endless material to obsess over and complain about. Their subjectivity is their charm - one person's 0-Kitty-Turd-Fest is another person's 5-Kitties-Must-See - and often a review tells us more about the reviewer than the reviewee. For example, "this is the best show I've ever seen!" really means, "my girlfriend is in this show." "The script is expertly directed by..." means, "I'm an actor and I want this director to hire me." "John Middleton is a disappointment in the role of..." means, "I hate America." The next time you find yourself in a long line for a show, you can amuse yourself by matching the following quotes from this year's audience reviews to their actual meanings below. Quotes 1. "I really loved the podium." 2. "While I love on-the-edge theatre..." 3. "...a post-modern, deconstructionist, meta-choreographed, and self-referential performance..." 4. "I want to state this up front: I understood the show." 5. "The glorious duo do it again!" 6. "I'll ignore the plot-hole..." 7. "The characters were realistic and empathetic." 8. "The improv was lackluster and rarely mythic." 9. "All that said, there are two caveats." 10. "It was one the the greatest live theater show I have ever seen." Actual Meaning a. I want to have sex with casebolt and/or smith. b. Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! c. I could write a better script if I wanted to. I just don't want to. d. I really enjoy hummus. e. I've been drinking. f. I'm concerned about the size of my penis. g. OMG, Twilight is so awesome! h. I believe aliens are watching us. i. I don't get invited to many parties. j. I don't know the meaning of the word "empathetic."