"Be our Judas": Sam Landman's 'Audition Notices' hit home

Editorial
Writer and actor "2112: The Musical" seeks screeching, somewhat irritating tenor or alto who looks like a witch. Peart/Lifeson already cast. #AuditionNotice Our controversial adaptation of "Equus" is up to full gallop. Bring assless chaps & stamina to "Horse Fucker" audition. #AuditionNotice Our company's been labeled a cult, but we simply do riveting theatre, dedicated to brave performances & the planet god Xovi. #AuditionNotice "Tapir Love" is a new musical that will rival "Cats," we swear. Prepare to be on all fours for the entire 5-hour audition. #AuditionNotice We're doing a Cronenberg mashup for our @mnfringe show! Come prepared to do improvised scenes involving skin mutilation. #AuditionNotice We plan to stage every episode of Seinfeld. Looking to cast every character, great or small. Preferably all-Hmong. #AuditionNotice Casting "True West." Ideal candidates must be able to impersonate William Shatner or Adam West for extended periods. #AuditionNotice Now casting actresses who look like my wife for my new show, "A Show About My Wife." No, fuck it. I'll just cast her. #AuditionNotice Passion play in dire need of actor who dropped out. All rehearsals & performances in Spearfish, SD. Will you be our Judas? #AuditionNotice Intense character actor needed. Age unimportant. Must have strong back, be 5" max & be able to fit into the Ziggy costume. #AuditionNotice Can you play a stereotype? How about offensively? Seeking white actors who enjoy hate mail. Full protection. No pay. #AuditionNotice Your years of training in that MFA program are about to pay off! Needing someone to hand out flyers, dressed as a cupcake. #AuditionNotice
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Ira Brooker
Ira Brooker is a writer and editor residing in Saint Paul's scenic Midway neighborhood. He holds down a corporate job by day and does freelance and creative work at night. He is a former editor of Minnesota Playlist and has been published in a number of venues both local and national, several of which you may have even heard of. He occasionally prattles on about pop culture at A Talent For Idleness and maintains an archive at irabrooker.com.