BLOG: Merry Thanksmas!

Do They Know It's Christmas? As a matter of fact, they do. That's not the point. The point is, do you know it's Christmas? Huh? Do you? You better say yes, damn it! Sorry. My Christmas humbuggery is coming on early this year. Maybe it's the sudden onslaught of winter. Maybe it's seasonal affective disorder. Or maybe it's the fact that we can't even get to Thanksgiving without being reminded that it's Christmas. I feel like we should just lump this whole month-long stretch of time into one holiday we call Thanksmas. We'll spend 30 solid days drinking horribly spiced drinks, eating cookies, giving inappropriate gifts and pretending like we remember what Jesus said about some thing or another that bothers us about the modern world. Jesus was against reality TV, right? I feel like I remember that. More likely, though, the reason I'm so down on the big C holiday is the fact that the theater world slowly mires itself down in Christmas-themed everything as November lurches forward into December, giving way to a glut of reindeer, wrapping paper, santa beards and simmering resentment served over cold eggnog. Anyone who claims that there is a War on Christmas has never checked out the marquees in the Hennepin Theater District in December. So, what are we doing to celebrate this holiest of holidays? The Guthrie's doing A Christmas Carol again, because we all know how much the baby Jesus will weep if that doesn't run for another four decades. You can always catch some version of The Nutcracker, exactly as Christ commanded ("Let him who is without knowledge of ballet see the dance of the sugar plum fairy, for it is the will of the LORD"). The Hennepin Theater Trust is trucking in a production of White Christmas, because, as we all know, Christmas should be as snowy white as Jesus. Or you can watch some more modern classics, like CTC's How the Grinch Stole Christmas or the production of A Christmas Story: The Musical that the Ordway is bringing, both widely famed for their strict adherence to the Gospels. But, if you must be a filthy heathen pagan atheist communist nazi seeking to crush out whatever feeble spirit of Christmas there is left in the poor world, I suppose you could go catch Brave New Workshop's annual skewering of the holiday, titled this year Twerking Around the Christmas Tree. (Are we still making jokes about twerking? Is that still that an option? I thought we had run through all of them by now.) Or you could check out Bedlam Theatre's "Marxist holiday fur trade musical" Beaverdance and get your picture taken on the lap of Santa Marx. But, for me, there is no better way to ring in the Christmas-before-Christmas season than with a stage adaptation of the greatest Christmas movie ever made. I am speaking, of course, of A Very Die Hard Christmas, the touching story of a man trying to get back to his family on Christmas Eve by killing a lot of people. Merry Thanksmas, everyone! Just Stop Not everything is enduring. Not everything can run for 40 damn years. Even beloved traditions come to an end some day, only to have new ones arise in their wake. Those of us who run arts organizations all know in the back of our minds that our beloved arts organization will have to die some day. Of course, we all try to drink that thought away, which is why it's awfully nice when there's a bar right there in the theater. In this age of tight funding for the arts in general, we all know that it could happen. The question is, "Will we be missed?" There is hardly an arts organization around with a strong understanding of its own mortality. You will hardly ever see one close down voluntarily. Usually, the end comes kicking and screaming, bursting forth out of mountains of monetary and emotional debt. However, every once in a while, a group shuts down by its own volition, without grinding to a fiscal halt. Maybe you won't ever be able to answer "Will we be missed?", but you can always take control of, "When does it need to end?" Sign Up Now! We Want Your Input! Speaking of mountains of monetary and emotional debt: Detroit. The Motor City is clawing its way out of bankruptcy and even managed to hold on to its municipal art museum collection (which is too bad, because I wanted to pick up a Breugel to sit over here next to the TV and Playstation). Detroit is doubling down on the idea that its crumbling infrastructure is the perfect breeding ground for artists, and reaching out to those socially conscious hipsters in any way they can, short of providing tutorials for properly ironic facial hair. The latest thing that caught my attention is the Detroit Symphony Orchestra basically asking the city to crowd compose a new symphony out of found sounds. Maybe that sounds silly to people who prefer symphonies to have "notes" and "chords" and "instruments", but it's all part of the new wave of art, man. Art can't just be art anymore. It has to build cities! And you can, too! I've talked plenty about this Creative Placemaking hullabaloo that we find ourselves in right now. The city of Minneapolis even has a website all about it, and, if I remember correctly, the last time I talked about this site, I was impressed by the fact that it had nothing on it. Well, they've gone and ruined that beautiful simplicity by adding a survey that asks you, my beautiful Minneapolitans, what you think a Creative City looks like. If you just want to talk about what can be done with theater in Minnesota, though, the Minnesota Theater Alliance also has a survey for you, so that they can better design programming and support for the next year. And, if you're just in the mood for signing up for things, sign ups are open for the Twin Cities Unified Theatre Auditions. That's a Bad Good Review Have you ever gotten a great, glowing, five-star review of your show? You haven't? Oh, sorry… Hey, about you over there? You have? Good! Let me talk to you instead of that other loser. Hey, by the way, did you know that those good reviews might be bad for you? That's right. You can't win.