You'll never be smart enough for Tom Stoppard

Thank you, legislators

Ladies and gentlemen, I am happy to report that, despite all the rancor and wrangling at the state capital, our elected officials have found time to finish their budget bills in special session. In the end, no one was really happy (except for the business community), and the state will continue on pretty much as it has been doing.

But there's always sunshine for some of us, and this year the sun is beaming down on those of us in the arts and culture wing of Minnesota. The legislature finally passed the Legacy Bill and kept their promise to dedicate 47% of the Arts and Culture funding to the State Arts Board and the regional arts councils. In the end, the Legacy Bill was probably the least contentious thing in the budget, with the Senate voting 54-10 in favor and the House 116-6.

Artists of Minnesota, rejoice! Your grant money runneth over.

Meanwhile, in Russia…

Oh, Russia… I try so hard to be worldly and understanding and to see your vast nation with its rich history, but you, in turn, work so hard to disappoint me.

Remember back during the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia, when the mayor of that city said there were no gay people there? Or when the Russian duma passed the gay propaganda law "For the Purpose of Protecting Children from Information Advocating for a Denial of Traditional Family Values"? Or how about that crazy time that the Russian prime minister issued a decree banning adoption of Russian children by same-sex couples and countries that legalize gay marriage?

Now the Russians are up to their hilarious anti-gay hijinks again, this time by attempting to shut down a production of Gross Indecency: The Three Trials of Oscar Wilde in Moscow that would have flown in the play's writer Moisés Kaufman to direct. The official reason given to the producing theater company in Moscow was that they were banned from accepting funding from foreign sources, but the powers that be in the Kremlin have been actively finding ways to shut down gay-themed plays in Moscow

In the meantime here at home, the US Supreme Court is making gay plays a little more boring by striking down the dubiously-named Defense of Marriage Act and sending signals that they are most likely about to rule in favor of gay marriage soon.

Shakespeare is dum

In other news that will surprise no one, Tom Stoppard thinks you're stupid. The densely verbose playwright has been more than a little upset that modern audiences don't get as many of his obscure literary references as they used to. (Like the fake quote in the program for Arcadia that makes an obtuse reference to Nabokov; oh, Tom, you nut!) Poor Tom can't write a joke about Goneril anymore, because most people haven't read King Lear and also "Goneril" sounds like something that can be cleared up with a few rounds of antibiotics.

Now, Tom Stoppard whining about how people are too ignorant to find him funny may sound too reminiscent of Jerry Seinfeld whining that college students are too politically correct to find him funny, and I am not going to argue that there is not a troubling culture of ignorance brewing in modern life; but, then again, this also sounds like every middle-aged dude I've ever heard complaining that "today's music sucks". In short, culture moves on, and it's bound to leave older generations behind as it does. I'm sorry, Tom and Jerry, but we're just not that into PhD-level references and flippant observational humor anymore. We're more into pretending to be awkward. And cats.

A recent study of English programs at colleges across the US found that, in many cases, you can get an English degree without ever studying up on the Bard. As good little theater people, I'm sure you're feeling an uncomfortable puckering in your nether regions when you hear people say this, but I kind of agree with Dana Dusbiber, the high school teacher from Sacramento who caused all kinds of waves by saying that she does not assign Shakespeare to her students.

Of course, there's been plenty of backlash; but I generally agree with Dusbiber's central thesis: that Shakespeare is often taught by rote and uncritical tradition at the expense of literally the entire breathtaking multicultural expanse of the modern English language.

Seriously, how do you expect children to learn from a man who couldn't even spell his own name?

Who's the Fringiest one of all?

I was at this year's One Minute Play Festival this weekend, and I realized that it was sort of a mini Fringe Festival in one night. Of course, this really made me start jonesing for some Fringe, but the 2015 website isn't even up yet. I have to wait until July 1 for the information on this year's shows to drop.

Actually, you have to wait until July 1. I, on the other hand, have the advantage of being perceived as some sort of journalist, so I have super secret access to all the early press releases the festival puts out. Also, my girlfriend works at the Fringe Festival, though what she tells me about the Fringe mostly involves them throwing rubber ducks at each other across the office.

What I'm trying to say is that I have a list in front of me of all the shows in the Fringe Festival this year, and so I'm playing my favorite game of trying to discern the flavor of the festival based purely on show titles. So, here's my pre-pre-rundown of the Festival, completely devoid of any context or show descriptions:

There was a time when you could count on a good portion of Fringe shows going for shock value by having "nude", "naked" or any number of euphemisms for genitalia in their titles. This year, I only see two: Looking for Fun(Bags) and Pull Yourself Up By Your Bra Straps Part 3: Electric Boobaloo. Unless Petunia and Chicken is also a complex and disturbing euphemism, we're plenty lacking in the smutty sex talk this year, though I will thank Dry Humping Art for trying to help.

Instead of all that dirty sexy stuff, we're getting a very literate Fringe this year (which will hopefully give Tom Stoppard a smug, grudging smile), with a number of shows apparently based on books: The Picture of Dorian Grey, Bartleby, White Whale, Frankenstein, The Falling up of Shel Silverstein and A Return to the Grimmer Side: More Dark Classic Stories for a Modern Time.

And the mashups! Oh, god, the mashups. You wanna see The Wizard of Oz rubbed all over The Godfather? BAM! You got The OzFather! Or The Wizard of Oz filtered through Superman? Here's SuperOz!  We've got A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Death Star and Buck Rogers from the 21st Century for the sci-fi geeks in the house, and for the entertainment of my stoner theater student roommates in college who watched Dragonball Z all day, every day: Kamehamehamlet: Good Night Saiyan Prince.

But, we're not done with Shakespeare. You're also going to watch Shakespeare's Shorts, Breakneck Hamlet and Poor Lear, if for no other reason than to finally, maybe get one of Tom Stoppard's jokes.

And yes, you Minnesotans, you're getting your requisite number of Minnesota jokes this year: MINNESOTA N*ICE, Minnesota Moon, Leaving St. Paul and the title that just mercilessly taunts you, So You Think You Know Minneapolis? Ha!

We're also getting a healthy dose of meta Fringe shows this year, with We Do Every Show in the Fringe, Fringe Tonight! with Jonathan Gershberg and the show whose title just can't stop, Collyard / Nelson's Guide to Reviewing Fringe Festival Shows & Other Tips to Help Keep Your Cool In the White-Hot World of Amateur Criticism OR "So You Kept Their Postcard; Now What?".

But what I'm really looking for are the fringiest titles, the ones that clearly don't give a damn if you understand anything at all about the show and engage in some dadaesque wordsmithing to get you to pay attention. You can go about this in multiple ways. There's the tried and true "or" method: Pocahontas (Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Mouse) and Confessions Of A Butter Princess or Why The Cow Jumped Over The Moon. There's the "make light of terrible things" method: Post Traumatic Super Delightful and Cancer. Rape. Theatre. Loophole. And then there's the straight up whackadoo method: The Sexiest Man Alive vs. The Robot Horde and my favorite title of the Fringe so far: A Mermaid in Narnia (on LSD).

So, I'm sure that I've probably butchered and maligned the deep meaning behind your Fringe show by ignoring the thoughtfully crafted show descriptions that are included in this press release and which I have duly ignored. I do apologize. You'll have your chance to prove whatever it is you're proving when August rolls around.